Leading by example isn't optional: your leadership style influences everyone

If you've never wondered how your behaviour influences others, now might be the time to start

"They just don't seem to care anymore," said a business owner we know. He was talking about his team.

He continued…

 "I tell them about our values, about the importance of client service, about everything that matters in this business. But they just seem to be going through the motions. They’re behaving like they've completely psychologically checked out."

At the time, we were chatting in his office. Twenty minutes in, his phone rang. He apologised, took the call and launched into an animated (ok…let’s call it heated) conversation with a supplier about late delivery.

When he hung up – 15 minutes later – he looked at us. He asked, “Where were we?”

We answered his question with a question of our own…"Why do you think your team’s checked out?"

Next came his very detailed analysis of generational differences, work-life balance expectations, and how "people just don't have the same drive and work ethic they used to have."

Here's what he couldn't (or wouldn’t) see…his team hadn't checked out—they were following his lead. To a tee.

And this is one of the universal truths about leadership. Your people might hear what you say, but they’re not listening to you. Instead, they're watching your every move. Then, copying it exactly.

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Key Takeaways

• You can verbally communicate until you're blue in the face. It's what you do and how you do it that really counts

• There are at least five key things you probably do without thinking that send clear, non-verbal messages to your employees

• This is a "whole-of-business" consideration...it doesn't only impact those who report directly to you

• It's easy to do an alignment check to objectively measure how your behaviour stacks up against your stated values. You ought to do it sooner than later

• You're always leading by example, but the question is, what does the example being set by your leadership style look like?

As always, please feel free to share this Insight with clients, colleagues and others in your network.

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It’s a mirror that leaders often don’t look into

If employees have a strong tendency to copy what leaders do, there’s only one logical and unavoidable conclusion. Your team's behaviour is a mirror of your own behaviour.

Don't think it’s that simple? Think again...it's true.

If employees seem disengaged in meetings, think about how attentive you are when they're talking. If they don't follow through on commitments, ask yourself what promises you've made and broken. If you sense a lack of urgency across the team, what’s your approach to deadlines?

Contrary to what you might be thinking, your team isn’t broken. They're simply reflecting the leadership they see every day. Usually pretty accurately.

Sadly, many leaders are blind to this. They see their team's shortcomings with extreme clarity but remain oblivious to their own behaviour patterns, or at least the impact of these patterns on those around them.

You reflect your whole self to your people. Not just a slice of yourself...

While you might complain about the reflection you see while standing in front of a mirror, you can’t change reality. And the same is true when you look at your leadership behaviour through that same reflective lens.

Invisible communication channels

Whether you realise it or not, you're communicating your values, priorities, and standards 24/7. Not with words but through your actions, reactions, and attention.

Your employees are constantly asking themselves:

• What does the boss actually care about? (compared to what they say they care about)

• What behaviour gets rewarded around here? (compared to what the values posters and other “inspirational” collateral say)

• What’s the minimum effort I can get away with? (based on what they observe you getting away with)

• What really matters here? (demonstrated by where you spend your time)

Yep, this does sound rather depressing, but the reality is they’re getting crystal clear answers to these and other questions just by watching you.

Remember…a picture paints a thousand words.

In terms of your leadership, your behaviour is the picture.

Five leadership style behaviour pointers

There are at least five things you might do that send clear messages to your employees.

Remember: you won’t do any of these with any intent whatsoever. In fact, these are things you do without even thinking about it. And that’s the challenge…

1: Time and Attention

If you think your employees seem confused about what’s important, look no further than where you spend your time and what gets your attention. That sends the loudest signal about what really matters.

What you might say: "I trust you to handle things while I focus on strategy."

What your leadership style might say:

• When you spend almost all your time in sales meetings, revenue becomes the only thing that matters

• Constantly checking emails during team meetings tells employees they’re not important enough for your full attention

• If you seem disinterested in their workload because you never ask, they’ll conclude that you don't care if they’re overwhelmed

• If you tend to interrupt or talk over them, the impression they’ll take away is that their ideas aren't valuable

2: Decision-Making

How you make decisions has a huge influence on how your team will make theirs.

What you might say: "I'm decisive and take responsibility."

What your leadership style might say:

• When you make all decisions yourself with zero input from others, you’re telling your team, "Don't think for yourself, just ask me"

• When you constantly change your mind, it could be seen as a sign of adaptability, indicating you're great at changing course to meet the circumstances. It could be, but it isn’t. Unless you explain the change, your team’s hearing, "Decisions aren't final, so don't commit"

• Deciding without input from others strongly suggests their opinions don't matter

• If you take forever to decide on things, the team’s takeaway will be "Paralysis is ok"

3: Communication

To be fair, we’ve never encountered a business where people don’t have some complaint about communication.

There’s not enough…there’s too much…too many meetings…not enough meetings…emails are too long…emails are too short and tell us nothing…

You get the drift.

But it’s your communication style rather than content or frequency that has the most impact on how your team communicates with each other and with clients.

What you might say: "I value open, honest communication."

What your leadership style might say:

• When you're always checking your phone, employees think divided attention is normal

• If you appear to be distracted or disinterested in conversations with employees, they’ll conclude that listening is optional

• Avoiding difficult conversations tells them to sweep conflict under the carpet

• If your emails are terse and demanding, courtesy and respect will go out the window

How you model these 5 behaviours is how your people will behave

4: Standards and Accountability

Make no mistake...your personal standards and how you hold yourself accountable become the template for everyone else. And as they say…the standard you walk past is the standard you accept.

What you might say: "We have high standards here."

What your leadership style might say:

• When you miss your own deadlines without any apparent reason, deadlines become mere suggestions for everyone else

• If you cut corners on process, the “rules of the game” become blurred and seen as being there for other people

• Making what look like superficial excuses for your mistakes (let’s face it…everyone makes them occasionally), others won’t feel accountable for theirs

• Cutting corners leads employees to believe that quality doesn't really matter

5: Stress and Pressure

In business, stress and pressure are part of the game. They happen. It’s how you handle them that demonstrates to your team what's "normal" and how they should respond to challenges.

What you might say: "I handle pressure well."

What your leadership style might say:

1. Rather than handling it well, you show signs of panic under pressure. For your team, this translates to crisis mode being the standard response to pressure

2. Shifting accountability when things go wrong encourages your team to do the same

3. When you work ridiculous, burnout-inducing hours, employees feel the weight of expectations that say wanting work-life balance is a weakness

4. Your demeanour with people when stressed gives your employees direct clues about how others should be treated during stressful times. If you model behaviour that makes others uncomfortable, guess what your team will do…

A “whole of business” challenge

The thing about behavioural leadership is that it doesn't just influence those who work directly with you…your behaviours cascade through the entire business.

Your leaders (formal and informal) copy your style and model it to their teams. This flows through the entire business and is ultimately reflected in client interactions. Before you know it, your personal behavioural quirks have become organisational culture.

This never works as a leadership style...

As an example, we worked with a business where the owner/CEO had a very “I’m always right, don’t mess with me” style about him. The result? A culture where open communication happened infrequently, if at all. And that meant low employee engagement, high turnover and questionable client retention rates.

Taken to its logical conclusion, your behaviours have a direct and indirect impact on the bottom line in your business.

So it pays big dividends to model the behaviours you want to see in others.

Keeping things “on point”

With that in mind, here are some practical steps you can take to ensure things don’t go “off script”.

An honest self-assessment

It’s maybe not particularly comfortable, but rate yourself against these questions:

• If my team behaved exactly like I do, what would our culture look like?

• What do my actions (not my words) say about what I value?

• What standards am I personally demonstrating versus what I'm demanding?

• How do I handle stress, and what’s that telling my team?

An even better idea…ask your team these questions. If you've created a safe environment, they'll tell you the truth.

Do an “alignment check”

Against your stated values, objectively compare your actual behaviour. Do they align? For example:

Example Value	Positive Behaviour	Could Do Better
Client focus	You consistently give clients your full attention	You have a tendency to multitask in meetings – even with clients
Teamwork	You make sure the majority of decisions are collaboratively made unless clearly “your call”	Your preference is to dictate terms when decisions are being made
Excellence	You strive to model high standards in all areas	You cut corners when it’s convenient for you
Respect	You treat everyone with respect at all times	You have been known to play favourites in the team

These are just examples, of course, to get you started. Make your review as comprehensive as possible and be as objective as you can in your ratings.

Reboot behaviours where necessary

Once you complete your alignment check, pick one area where your actions don't fully reflect your values and commit to change. Not five areas…just one, because you have to start somewhere. Then, note something you might change that would improve alignment, being as specific as possible.

For example, "I'll be more present in meetings" is a little vague…what specifically might you do to demonstrate your presence? Perhaps try "I will not take my phone to any team meetings".

Or this…instead of "I'll be more decisive", which again leaves too much room for interpretation, how about, "I will decide on all routine requests within 24 hours".

The intent behind this exercise is to give yourself a clear undertaking that will help you become more “true to label”…not just in your own mind, but for all those around you who rely on you for clear leadership.

The bottom line

“Leading by example” isn't a nice-to-have leadership skill. It's the foundation for everything else. Your own behaviour is your most powerful leadership tool, and you're using it whether you want to or not.

The question isn't whether you're leading by example. You are. The question is: what example are you setting?

Every interaction, every decision, every reaction is a measure of your leadership. Your team is watching, learning, and copying. They'll become the leaders you're modelling, not the leader you think you’re modelling.

So here's a challenge: for the next week, imagine that everything you do is copied exactly by your entire team. Every email tone, every meeting behaviour, every stress response, every conversation style. Everything…

At the end of that week, reflect on what kind of business you’d have now if everyone exhibited the same behaviours you modelled. Honestly, would you like your answer? If so, keep doing what you’re doing.

But if you don’t, there’s some work to do.

Does this Insight hit home?

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